Update on J

Tuesday night was really bad. J called me around 10 (maybe? I've been up late with this every night, so the time kind of blurs.) and was sobbing. The only thing I heard when I answered the phone was her sobbing and gasping for breath. She had been hitting the walls with her arms (I saw the bruises yesterday) and had also been cutting again. Her 16-year-old sister happened to be home for once and tried to get her to unlock the door to no avail. J was at the end of her rope and kept repeating that she just wanted to die so she wouldn't have to deal with the depression and hopelessness anymore.
I did the best I could to keep a calm voice, but my whole body was shaking the entire time I was on the phone with her. In fact, I was still shaking for about an hour after we hung up. But God is faithful and provided the opportunity for me to share some of my own story with her. She feels so abandoned by her mom, which is understandable because they rarely see each other, and J is home alone 9 nights out of 10 for the entire night. I was able to talk about how my dad skipped out on a lot of my life for several years and how that's when I really began to depend on God as my Heavenly Father. She had also mentioned that she felt like things would never be any better, and I took the opportunity to tell her about my dad going to jail for two years. At the time, it was embarrassing, and I didn't think it would help. Now I can see that it was probably the best thing that could've happened to him (and our relationship, for that matter). I don't know if this encouraged her or not, but it gave her time to calm down a little and get some perspective.
We talked for over an hour Tuesday night about what kind of choices she has, how I can only help her so much without parental involvement/consent, and about taking things one day at a time. To be honest, I wasn't sure she had heard a word of it; I was just trusting God to carry her through. I knew she hadn't been eating, so before we hung up, I offered to bring her some of our leftover pasta for lunch. I don't know why I did this, but I just felt like I needed to meet as many of her needs as possible.
Well, she showed up for lunch yesterday looking like crap. You could really see the struggle on her face. She stared blankly at the wall for most of my conference period. (She has senior out, so she didn't have a class to be in.) She ended up staying in my room for the last period of the day and ate ALL of the pasta. :) She was in a better mood as she left school yesterday, but I was expecting another bad night.
God took care of it. J called me about 10:00 to say that she had called her dad and told him she didn't want to be home alone...and he came and PICKED HER UP. Hallelujah! :) They went out for ice cream and talked a little before he took her back to his house. She didn't tell him about the cutting, but it's a start. She came in this morning (SO happy - I could see a difference in her demeanor immediately) and told me that they're going to make it a weekly thing. I was so proud of her for taking a step to get help.
I had dinner tonight with some friends, and now I am more than a little paranoid about this situation. I know that I have approached this with the best of intentions, but I'm not sure how well I've covered myself legally. I was under the impression that as long as I told the counselor, I would be covered, but now I'm not so sure. Please pray for me. I am literally sick to my stomach about all of it.

Busy, Busy, Busy

I apologize for my lack of updates lately. I've been struggling to teach, plan, and grade at Job #1; read, comprehend, and write about FOUR books for my two graduate classes (oh, yeah-I have to attend those classes, too!); show up and work at Job #2, which is now, thankfully, only 2 days a week; and on top of all of that, I'm now apparently a counselor on the side as well. :)
I do not begrudge the counseling job. In fact, it remains heavy on my heart and is the main reason for this post. About a week and a half ago, a former student of mine, J, confessed to me that she has been cutting herself for the last seven years. I taught her last year and got to know her pretty well, or so I thought. She has been dating another one of my former students, L (also a girl), on and off for about 4 years. They have a toxic, selfish, explosive relationship. J's mom works the night shift, and her father has remarried and lives about 20 miles away. Many, many things have built up to bring J where she is now. J and L broke up again last week, and J says she is ready for it to be final. She went to church with me two Saturdays ago, so she is obviously hungry in that area as well. J is home alone most night for hours at a time, which is not good in the current situation. She says she knows she needs therapy but is scared of being readmitted to the hospital (she went twice freshman year). While researching the topic online, I came across To Write Love on Her Arms, an organization that addresses people who self-injure. It actually linked to a counseling program in a nearby city, and I called today for info. J's dad actually lives in the same city.
Please pray for several specific things:

1. that I will speak only God's love/words to J
2. that J will follow through with therapy of some sort
3. that all of the requirements line up for the best therapy available to be possible
4. that J will avoid L
5. that opportunities will come up to share about Christ's redeeming love with J

Grad School...

...is HARD! Thankfully, the first night of my second class ended early, or I would've been WAY overwhelmed. Tonight's class was Applied Linguistics, and I actually think I will enjoy it, but the academic side of it is huge. My other class, something about teaching ESL students with the SIOP model (yeah, no idea on that one yet), is focused more on the practical side of things. I have lots of homework in addition to work related to my real job - teaching!

On the plus side, I did get to skip Meet-the-Teacher night. YAY! ;)

I'm Surviving

Well, I survived the first week of school and am almost finished with the second. :) I seem to have a mostly good group of students. There are a few potentially shady ones, but they are laying low for now.

My first graduate class began last night. I already feel overwhelmed. I have to read 4 chapters by next Wednesday, and my second class begins on Monday! Ack!!! I miss summer.

School Starts Tomorrow!

I must admit that I'm not as excited about this as I'd hoped to be. However, after last night's sermon at church, I'm realizing more and more that this negative attitude is really a trust issue. Am I trusting God to provide for me this year? Am I satisfied knowing that this may be where He can be most glorified in me? At the moment, not at the level I should be.

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

What I really need is more of Him.

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace
But Jesus, would You please . . .

Gratitude

So, today was the first official day back for teachers. Let me just say that it did not start well.

Yesterday evening, I walked out of my school to find that my car had a flat tire. What time was it? Just past 7:00, meaning all the tire places were closed. However, by the grace of God, the man at Firestone was still there vacuuming and was nice enough to air it up for me. In the process, he found a nail in the tire. My wonderful roommate picked up a can of Fix-A-Flat for me on her way home, so I'll be able to make it until tomorrow to get my tire fixed.

Anyway, I got up early this morning to use the Fix-A-Flat...not a problem. I just haven't seen this hour of day in quite a while, so I wasn't Little Miss Sunshine when I arrived at school at 7:30. We had to sit with our teams during breakfast which was fine, but then the meeting went downhill fast. Some inappropriate comments were made - as a "joke", the table next to mine thought it was okay to talk during the entire 2.5 hour meeting, and two of my team members found something negative about every presentation/presenter. I must admit that at this point, I seriously began to wonder if a job change/early retirement might be in my near future. But have no fear! I know God is taking care of things and that I am where I am for a reason.

I had lunch with our awesome librarian (who did not marry until she was 37, btw ;)), and we had a GREAT time. Seriously. We had each other cracking up every 5 minutes. In fact, lunch put the day back on track, and I got lots of things done in my room. On the way home, I got to talk to my two previous classroom neighbors, which was great fun, and I also had some heart-to-heart time with my Savior. It was during our chat that God remind me of how faithful he has been and just how much I have to be thankful for. For the last few weeks I have been obsessed with the Nicole Nordeman song "Gratitude". I first heard it at Mary Beth and Michael's wedding - where I thought it was far too long. Sorry, MB. I've since seen the error of my ways. Exerpts from the song with my comments follow...

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
It was raining hard on my drive home.
Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
I have a job that I love despite the bad days. It more than pays my bills, helped me become debt-free, gives me summers off, and provides the opportunity to affect over a hundred lives daily.
So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .
(Chorus)
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
He is all I need. I have so much to be grateful for.
What about you?

This week...

Monday: I spent my time from 8:00-2:00 at a district workshop for English teachers. We learned how to use children's books as a tool for teaching various things in our middle/high school classrooms. (Side note- district workshops make me anxious for some reason. I always feel overwhelmed and vastly inadequate before, during, and after them; this one was no exception.) After the workshop, I went home and cried. I kid you not.

Tuesday: Day 2 of the district workshop. This time, we separated into groups by campus and learned about Thinking Maps. My department already uses two of the maps frequently, but it was helpful to practice with the others. I will actually use the ideas from this workshop. (Sadly, this is not always the case.) After lunch, I was told that I have one class of senior English. This caused much anxiety for about an hour, but it then subsided into mild anxiety that continued until Thursday. After the workshop, Deanna and I ran errands before going to the teacher meeting at our tutoring job. Thankfully, they feed us and pay us for attending these monthly meetings.

Wednesday: I went up to school and worked in my classroom. I even got to use my cordless drill to put together some bookcases. Let me just tell you, there is something about being a girl and using this drill that is very empowering...just ask Deanna - I have more tools than most guys our age. :) While at school, I got a phone call from my sweet Grace thanking me for the flowers I sent her. (Her mom, Kerry, is one of my closest friends from way back in elementary school.) I knew Grace would be starting kindergarten the next day, so I thought I would send her some pink tulips to tell her that I was thinking of her. My favorite part: "Mommy, Kristy sent me bubble wrap!" Kerry's reply: "Keep looking, Grace. I think there's something else in there." LOL.

Thursday: I went up to our district's administration building to edit some district-wide assessments. Since this was a paying endeavor, I was much more excited about it than my previous work for the district this week. :) Sharon, my department head at school, and I always make the most of our time together, and we've gotten very good at entertaining ourselves and each other at these things. When I got home from this, I had to drop Deanna off at the airport. She's currently visiting some friends of ours in Florida. Lucky!

Sharon called and asked if I would rather teach a PSAT class instead of senior English. Apparently, we have a teacher leaving, and now the schedule is up in the air. God definitely worked this one out. I already have PSAT training from working at Huntington (where I tutor), and this class will be less work (as far as planning/reading) than senior English. Praise the Lord!

Friday: Ah, Friday. I slept late. :) I worked on some things around the apartment and crossed a few off of the to-do list. Then I went shopping for some "professional" clothes for school. When you're my age and height, it's important to invest in things that actually help you look like the teacher.

Saturday: Today I worked at HLC for a few hours with a first-day student. His name is Greg, and he's going into eighth grade. He was so fun to work with...we bonded over long division. :) Since I only had to work from 9:00-11:00, I had planned to go work in my classroom, but I think I've just decided to stay here and relax. :)

I am trying to get better at updating and adding in fun stories. Maybe I will learn to post more than once a week. Don't give up on me!